Confronting an alcoholic is a difficult task. Never attempt a confrontation while the drinker is under the influence of alcohol, only approach the alcoholic while sober and clear headed. Sometimes referred to as an intervention, the choice to confront an alcoholic should be in accordance to guidelines set forth by those educated in the field such as Al-Anon, the support group for the family members of alcoholics. Always consult the individual’s doctor or an alcohol disorder specialist before intervening to establish how to confront the alcoholic. Keep the following nine helpful tips in mind when preparing for an intervention.
See what the experts advise by speaking with the Al-Anon association in your area. People there can provide useful resource information as well as advising you on how to plan the. If there is no Al-Anon available in your area try to make an appointment with a licensed therapist, counselor, or psychologist to discuss the problem and how to best approach it. While in general interventions have similar characteristics, each situation has unique circumstances and each individual has personal characteristics that make each intervention different.
You might find yourself wanting to berate and condemn a loved one should they come home intoxicated yet again. This fails to be productive as the drunk will ignore the criticism while under the alcohol influence and most likely forget about it the following when day when sober. It is crucial to talk to the person when sober and with a bit of luck, open to the idea of hearing your concerns. If a spontaneous opening should not happen, try to schedule a talk after dinner or when the two of you have some privacy and cannot be interrupted.
Those who help can be other relatives, close friends, or even members of Al-Anon with whom you have become acquainted. It may be helpful to find someone who has been in an intervention as they will know what problems may occur and how to handle them if they arise. However, bringing in a stranger may backfire as the alcoholic may become upset that you have brought in someone they are unfamiliar with. But that will depend on you and the circumstances surrounding the person who drinks too much, as well as professional opinions about the situation.
You cannot be weak or indirect when confronting an alcoholic. You must use a matter-of-fact tone in your voice and simply state the cause and effect of the individual’s drinking. Use examples of the alcoholic’s troubled behaviors and the consequent results. Try to support your statements with dates, amounts of alcohol consumed, occurrences of negative behavior and even the amounts spent on drinking. It requires a lot of backbone to confront an alcoholic, so make sure to stand strong and firm. Stay calm and refer back to the facts should the alcoholic want to argue.
People often enable an alcoholic, allowing him or her to stay in that way by letting them sidestep responsibility and manipulate others to ignore his misdeeds or cover for him at work or in public. If you are one of the enablers the alcoholic may assume he can have his way again to get out of the intervention without making any changes. A huge part of an intervention’s potential for success is the family member who arranges it being able to change, too. A person who wants to help must not continue to enable the alcoholic to abuse alcohol. Stand your ground and most importantly, don’t let the alcoholic bully or wheedle you into giving up.
Coupled with confronting an alcoholic with the consequences of his behavior is the need for a plan of recovery. If you are working with Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon, they can help you with making arrangements for a problem drinker to enter a rehabilitation program, either onsite at a facility for this purpose, or as an outpatient in a local clinic or support group. In some cases, a halfway house might be an appropriate alternative. Find out ahead of time if a particular detoxification program will accept the problem drinker you are working with, and make preliminary arrangements for the person to be admitted immediately following the intervention. Make it clear that you cannot guarantee the drinker will enroll, much less stay with the program, unless he accepts the program as part of his new life of abstaining from drink.
It is an emotional process and if the alcoholic agrees to go into a rehab facility, friends and family must provide support and encouragement during the detoxification phase and rehabilitation program, which often involves patient and family counseling. Rehab can last anywhere between several days to several months. In general, most programs last 28 days or less, given our job and family responsibilities, and in some cases the rehabilitators can continue as a non-resident while resuming career and household responsibilities. Whichever way the program plays out, love, acceptance, and willingness to support changes in lifestyle can go a long way toward helping the alcoholic become successful in kicking the alcohol habit.
Remember that family members living with an alcoholic must be willing to take responsibility for their own behaviors and make necessary changes themselves. Adjustments might consist of refusing to cover for an alcoholic’s incapability to go to work by reporting him absent, paying bills that the drinker should pay when he has spent his paycheck for alcoholic drinks, and letting the alcoholic mistreat or intimidate the family by acts of thoughtlessness or hostility. Sobriety can many times make life harder for the drinker and his family while everyone adjusts to new rules and learns how to follow through consistently. Some ex-drinkers can be ill- tempered, challenging, and irritable, while others might act guilty, humiliated, or remorseful.
After the intervention you may not see automatic results. The drinker may show indecision between agreeing to rehab and resisting it, or he may enter rehab but leave early or fall off the wagon after completing the program. No behavioral changes are guaranteed. After confronting an alcoholic, the only thing you can do is continue to hold your line and wait for the drinker’s response. That alone will determine the outcome of your intervention. If the drinker opts not to continue treatment or it proves unsuccessful, the family should continue to receive counseling and support as they make decisions about the future.
One of the hardest things to do is live with an alcoholic. Uncontrolled drinking creates problems that affect family members and friends for years. It is often difficult for relatives to disassociate themselves from the alcoholic and establish effective boundaries between his behavior and theirs to avoid unhealthy enmeshment. However, with education, professional support, and courageous beliefs, family members can learn to practice tough love when confronting an alcoholic to give that person a fair shot at recovery. An intervention may be the first step toward acknowledging a problem and doing something about it that can make a positive difference in the lives of a problem drinker and his loved ones.