According to the American Counseling Association, the most common thread throughout all broken marriages is breakdown in communication. As Americans, our communication seems to fail with the most important person in our life, despite the fact that we, as a country, love to communicate. Our country’s divorce rate is holding at 50% as a result. Add in being on your second or third marriage, and this rate increases.
The start of the lack of communication between spouses is usually not talking about the small things, letting the frustration and anger build up, resulting in larger issues. Smaller issues are much easier to work out than larger ones.
The key to a healthy strong relationship is using communication to work out your issues and resolve problems. The following are keys to building strong communication skills with your spouse:
1. Truly listen to each other, while staying quiet and focused on what they are saying.
2. Not only listen to the actual words, but the underlying feeling and emotions as well.
3. Try to understand from another perspective, try to understand the other side of the argument. This doesn’t mean you necessarily have to agree.
4. Let the other person know you are listening by rephrasing what they have told you and to ensure clear understanding.
5. when you let your partner know you are not only listening to their words, but feelings as well, you will validate their emotions.
6. Tell your partner that you are truly sincere by being aware of the nonverbal messages you may be sending your partner. This can include facial expressions and tone of voice.
7. Tell the other person how you are feeling and what they are doing wrong, by using I statements.
8. Let the person know ahead of time of your intention to discuss issues. This will allow them to gather their thoughts as well as appear less like an attack.
9. Set aside time to talk about important issues without interruptions from kids and life.
10. Try to stay on topics, by keeping your discussion on the topic at hand.
Utilizing these tips will help you and your spouse to communicate more effectively, and just may save your marriage. Avoid rehashing the past, keep your discussions in the present moment. This will allow you to focus on solutions that you can work toward together.
See for yourself how the Light Your Fire Program has helped thousands solve their marriage problems. This program is an effective alternative to obtaining marital counseling. As seen on The View and Oprah.